I am in some real need for motivation! I can't even keep my own blog updated regularly. I keep putting it off for some reason. I seriously contemplate it all the time, but end up doing other things instead. I guess it's because I don't know what to write about. It's not that I don't hold strong views or even have problems I need to vent. I just don't have the motivation to do it. Honestly, what is the point? Is there anyone out there dying for an update from me? I don't think so. So what's the point in writing? I guess it's to help put your feelings down onto a source that you can use to help you through whatever problem you are facing or to just get your ideas aligned properly.
I really hate not being able to use the tab key to insert a tabbed space whilst in a web browser. It is somewhat annoying. Especially now that I have to write about it. So what's going on in my life? Not a whole lot. Been like that for a long time now. It went from weeks, to months, to years now. It's pathetic really. I'm half of what I used to be and honestly it's been very depressing for the past forever now. The good news is that I am coming out of my slump slowly, but surely. I applied again to East Carolina and this time I was accepted! I am so excited about that. Last time I was so devastated that I pretty much broke down and started hating school. Now my enrollment is contingent upon me passing my College Algebra class, so I am going to work really hard in it. It's my only class this semester, so it shouldn't be too hard. However, that class is tough because we are taught how to do the basics of something, but then tested on the the advanced techniques that we are supposed to "logically come to the conclusion to."
This math class is quite different from the past two. I don't know if it is just me getting used to the new teaching style or what, but I feel that trying to absorb the information is much harder. We move so quickly through the material and even though like I am grasping the information AND taking good notes, when it comes to doing the homework I seem to be lacking from where I want to be. It's going to be tough, but I will not fail. There is too much riding on me passing this class. I want to go to ECU very badly. That was my intent when I first moved down here, but because of the whole different standards for transferring here in North Carolina, I have been set back in my goals some.
I've been working a lot at American Eagle as well. I got promoted to Shift Lead, which is awesome because that will come in handy on a resume someday. I make them tons of money as well, so I am sure they do not mind. It's been somewhat of a tough transition between being an associate focused on selling and tasks to doing that plus worrying about numbers, driving conversion, etc. It gives me a real feel for sales in the "real-world" as they like to call it. I also get more hours, which means more money. I don't do anything else but school and work, so it really isn't that big of a deal.
So now that we have an update on my life and what I am doing, let's move to the ranting portion of this entry. I guess you can imagine from what I've said that I'm pretty lonely. I don't have any friends, aside from at work and even then I can't hang out with them now, nor was I ever hanging out with them period. I don't remember how to make friends, maybe I do, but I just don't feel like making them here in Goldsboro. I will wait for when I am in Greenville. I feel like this town isn't worth trying for anyway. The ideology of the people here is just astounding. I see the best and worst of this town at the mall in my store. People can be rude, but there are some very nice people too. Also, plenty of hot women, however most are married. Married to someone in the airforce, dating them, or are engaged to them. THAT SUCKS! All the good ones are taken!
It doesn't help that my mom finds that we are related to someone new every week. That kind of put me off wanting to try to date any locals. They could end up being my family and I am not risking it. Better safe than sorry. There are a lot of good looking women at East Carolina though. I've been scoping them out for a while now.
Speaking of ECU, I wonder how that's going to pan out. I mean, I'll be 24 before I even go. Will that be weird to be living on campus at that age and going to school there? Either I'll be the coolest person ever because I can buy alcohol haha, or they will shun "grandpa". I'm not too worried about it, however I do think about it form time to time. I'm going to have to find a new job too. Which is gonna suck because I like my pay and job right now. I love working at American Eagle. Yeah sometimes we have to deal with stupid shit, but overall it's a great place to work and I get along with everyone really well. So that will be another transition.
I am hoping that I can work at the American Eagle up in Greenville. I'll make them way more money there than I do in Goldsboro, just because the market is mostly college-oriented and I sell better to people of that age. So they would basically be losing out if they didn't hire me (Note to American Eagle: I make you tens of thousands of dollars a year).
Moving right along. I'm very ready for a girlfriend. I'm done being anti-social. I've been in seclusion trying to figure out what I want from life, people and where I want to be. I'm focused now and I can handle having a relationship. All my past relationships failed because of my level of emotional maturity. I had a hard time dealing with my emotions. I still have problems from time to time, I mean I am human, but I have learned to control my emotions and now I am working on focusing them to work for me not against me.
So hopefully I will continue posting here more, updating whoever out there that decides to read this. If you have read this far then congratulations, you are my hero.
Peace and Love.
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