If I Could Push Forward

Love,
Death,
Wondering if this could be my last breath,
Trying to find my place in life,
The constant reminder that I'm a failure,
I've been told that I'll amount to nothing,
Sometimes I just want to mean something,
To have a purpose for living through this hell,
I seem to be stuck re-living the past,
Missing the days when I lived my life care-free,
But that wasn't enough for everyone,
They expect so much from me,
Even when I didn't know what I wanted,
So I'm trying to plot my course,
Still I hope to succeed,
Because I have nothing left but this apathy,
I'm so far away from where I want to be,
I've got to make the best with what I have,
So here goes,
Here's to me,
I don't want your sympathy,
I'll do this for me,
So please leave my memories.

My Regret

Four years long gone,
I gave four years of my life to you,
Waiting on something that never came to be,
Did I waste my time?
Was my father right?
I gave everything to end up with nothing,
Just a memory you still linger,
And when I find something to make me smile,
It is taken from me abruptly,
I seem to only find dead-ends,
Did I live my life in sin?
Maybe it's time for me to grow up,
I know I'm such a loser,
I'm twenty-two and without a clue,
I'm just trying to get by,
Because all my plans included you,
So forgive me for being a little bitter,
I'm not blaming you,
Obviously I was chasing an empty dream,
I just wish that I'd never said,
That I love you.

A Two-Hour Flight and A Two-Hour Drive

When I come home,
Will I have a hero's welcome,
Or did everyone forget about my existence,
One-upped by a soldier who deserves the attention,
For he is serving his country,
Whereas I exist to make a mess,
When I come back,
Will everything have changed,
Will the relationships I forged feel like they did yesterday?
I've been gone for so long,
I may just be a faint memory,
I tend to blend into the environment I'm in,
I still have months of isolation,
This is the darkest of my days,
"But you're doing well",
Yeah my grades are great Mom,
But I'm still so alone and I'm dying just a little bit faster,
I'm trying to get everything straight,
Because where I am is only temporary,
Just a small step on my journey,
When all is said and done,
I'll come back home.