So for the past couple of months I've been spending a lot of time on the vigilant citizen message boards and I come across some people who just seem to think that they are the mouthpieces for God.
Why is it that some Christians feel that they need to judge people based on their sins. Shouldn't we pray for the sinners seeing as we are also sinners. It just makes me mad that people do this, I know it's judging on my part, but at the same time, some use the bible to justify judging people.
Put simply, I know it wasn't what Jesus wanted. I think he wanted us to love everyone no matter what (love the person, hate the sin). This whole issue of protesting the gays makes no sense. Why don't those same people get up and protest against ALL sin. Why don't they talk to the "gays" in a peaceful, tolerant way?
We are not to be the judge of others sins, for we are supposed to avoid sin ourselves and ENCOURAGE others to. I have been called a 'fake' Christian because I beleive that the approach should be peaceful, rather than forceful. Does that make me wrong? I'm not denying Jesus or God, but my approach is much different than a lot. What is my turnover rate? I have no clue, but I do know that when you go about things the right way, you get better results.
I just can't wrap my head around how people don't get this. Why do they feel it THEIR job to point out sin in others but not look inwards and fix themselves! I am very much a sinner and I try my very best to do what's right, no matter what the consequences may be. Is my way wrong? I know it isn't.
I prayed and asked God to guide me on the proper path and help me do his will and not that of man's. Every time I read parts of the bible I do it with his guidance and he always points me to passages about peace, kindness, and humility. Isn't that what he truly wants? Wasn't he the one who said to turn the other cheek and basically said that we should be altruistic for our good deeds show our love and without love, we have nothing.
Here's to everyone out there that stands up for what is right. Keep it up, we may be belittled, we may be called fake, we may be called liars, but if we show the world love, then we are doing what is right. Peace and love all.
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Empty Space Between Us (Read Between the Lines)
I'm sorry for the distance that's come between us,
The aching of my heart,
Sought to sever our ties,
Because the pain of missing you,
Made me miserable,
But the pain of being absent from your life,
Has made me lose my mind,
Am I out of time?
Is there anything left of us?
After all these years,
My love still burns strong,
Sometimes I think it's on par with the radiance of the sun,
But you never knew,
Our lives are so different from then,Yet we act the same towards each other,
When we're together,
No matter the time that has passed,
It's as if nothing has ever changed.
I could never tell you to your face,
The words in which I want to say,
Because you've told me how you felt long ago,
And I know I'm alone in this hope,
so I feel like something is wrong with me,
I can't live my life in peace,
You may be absent from my sight,
But my dreams bring you to life,
Have I gone mad?
I don't understand why I'm still sad,
But my heart won't let me let you go,
No matter what I try to do,
My heart in the end,
Only wants you.
They say with time comes healing,
But nothing I do or say, Takes this pain away,
I feel Like I'm broken,
That I'm devoid of feeling,
A numbness has settled over me,
For I want your happiness,
And from what I've seen,
I am not the key,
I am not the door to your future,
I was but a lock,
To open your eyes so you could find your way,
To instill confidence in yourself,
I want the world for you,
So much so that I hide my true beliefs,
Because I don't want to start controversy,
Still I don't want to lose you completely,
But this battle I fight,
is under the guise of a smile and encouraging eyes,
But if you stared deep enough,
You could see the tears dripping from my soul.
Here's to your future,
I wish you the best,
I don't know if our paths will cross again,
But understand this,
In my heart you will always find solace,
For you will always have a place,
I have one last confession:
I'm still in love with you.
07/10/2010
The aching of my heart,
Sought to sever our ties,
Because the pain of missing you,
Made me miserable,
But the pain of being absent from your life,
Has made me lose my mind,
Am I out of time?
Is there anything left of us?
After all these years,
My love still burns strong,
Sometimes I think it's on par with the radiance of the sun,
But you never knew,
Our lives are so different from then,Yet we act the same towards each other,
When we're together,
No matter the time that has passed,
It's as if nothing has ever changed.
I could never tell you to your face,
The words in which I want to say,
Because you've told me how you felt long ago,
And I know I'm alone in this hope,
so I feel like something is wrong with me,
I can't live my life in peace,
You may be absent from my sight,
But my dreams bring you to life,
Have I gone mad?
I don't understand why I'm still sad,
But my heart won't let me let you go,
No matter what I try to do,
My heart in the end,
Only wants you.
They say with time comes healing,
But nothing I do or say, Takes this pain away,
I feel Like I'm broken,
That I'm devoid of feeling,
A numbness has settled over me,
For I want your happiness,
And from what I've seen,
I am not the key,
I am not the door to your future,
I was but a lock,
To open your eyes so you could find your way,
To instill confidence in yourself,
I want the world for you,
So much so that I hide my true beliefs,
Because I don't want to start controversy,
Still I don't want to lose you completely,
But this battle I fight,
is under the guise of a smile and encouraging eyes,
But if you stared deep enough,
You could see the tears dripping from my soul.
Here's to your future,
I wish you the best,
I don't know if our paths will cross again,
But understand this,
In my heart you will always find solace,
For you will always have a place,
I have one last confession:
I'm still in love with you.
07/10/2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I Beg for Your Attention
This world is like the Matrix,
We're living inside a dream,
This country is dying,
How can we revive it?
You're government is spying on your life,
Taking away your rights,
Spitting on the graves.
Of those who died to protect your freedom.
We live in a Police State,
Where the "Man" is real,
And you're his slave,
When will you wake and see,
The fire burning around you,
Ashes falling to the ground,
Your apathy is your weakness,
Follow through and you won't live to see,
Your children having liberty.
What defines justice?
Why do we sacrifice lives,
To fulfill the prophecy of hate,
We have to join together,
Put aside our pride,
Stop killing in the name of religion,
Love is what this world needs.
Nothing is more important than unity,
This tyranny is our true reality,
Unless we stand together,
Stop the hate and greed,
This is my plea.
Overview of the Patriot Act
The Law
We're living inside a dream,
This country is dying,
How can we revive it?
You're government is spying on your life,
Taking away your rights,
Spitting on the graves.
Of those who died to protect your freedom.
We live in a Police State,
Where the "Man" is real,
And you're his slave,
When will you wake and see,
The fire burning around you,
Ashes falling to the ground,
Your apathy is your weakness,
Follow through and you won't live to see,
Your children having liberty.
What defines justice?
Why do we sacrifice lives,
To fulfill the prophecy of hate,
We have to join together,
Put aside our pride,
Stop killing in the name of religion,
Love is what this world needs.
Nothing is more important than unity,
This tyranny is our true reality,
Unless we stand together,
Stop the hate and greed,
This is my plea.
Overview of the Patriot Act
The Law
Monday, June 7, 2010
Shaping Opinions through the Use of Mass Media
Abstract
Since the invention of the radio, mass media has ingrained itself into not only American culture, but also world culture. Americans rely on mass media to get the latest news, check the weather, research, and for social networking. Obviously, it has played an influential role in shaping opinions and changing attitudes. Not only does mass media affect culture, but it travels through the social hierarchy all the way down to the individual level. This has dire implications for social interaction. Not only does it affect individuals, but mass media also influences what happens in government. It not only aids in policy creation, but in turn can influence attitudes to reflect the agenda being set.
“He who controls the media controls the message” (Simons, 2008). Today there are several different forms of mass media. It includes: radio, television, newspapers, magazines, and the Internet. It is a very valuable source for marketers because people rely on the mass media for several different facets of their life. In an average day, Americans are bombarded with over six hundred advertising messages a day.
Because of this marketers have turned to psychology to capture the minds of the individuals around the world. Advertising isn’t just for the adults; there has been a huge surge of growth in marketing to children, mostly because they are easily swayed to hold a certain attitude with a little persuasion.
“The growth in marketing efforts targeting children has seemingly fueled an increase in the industry’s use of applied psychologists working as marketing researchers or consultants to enhance the persuasive effect of children-oriented advertising campaigns” (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004). Since this is a relatively new development, there is little research on the long-term effects of this new advertiser, psychologist partnership. Marketers aren’t just targeting the older population of children, but also the very young children.
Children who are very young are still in the developmental stage and their brains are not hard-wired to understand the difference between reality and the reality an advertisement presents to the child.
“All advertising to children too young to recognize the persuasive intent of such messages is by its very nature exploitative” (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004).
It’s not just children who are affected by the mass media. The advertising industry is not the only institution using the mass media to gain the people’s attention. “The pictures in people’s minds about the outside world are significantly influenced by the mass media, both what those pictures are about and what those pictures are” (McCombs, 2010).
In today’s world, there are twenty-four hour news organizations that relay the news all day and night, three-hundred sixty-five days a year. Some of these programs garner audiences of over five million viewers and that’s only one form of mass media.
Americans spend about eighty percent of their time using mass media and it is only increasing. Any person who uses mass media in any of its forms is going to be subject to influence by it.
In order for a mature understanding of advertising messages, two information processing assignments must take place.
First, the individual must be able to understand the difference between commercial content and noncommercial content. Then differentiate the difference between reality and non-reality (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004). Children cannot differentiate between the two and are vulnerable to advertisements that persuade them to change their behaviors.
There have been studies that show a positive correlation between advertisements targeting children that feature candy, fast food, and snacks and that the advertising increases the consumption of those products (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004).
Americans collective knowledge is largely based on what is told through mass media. Whatever holds priority in the media organizations strongly influence the priorities of the public at large. Consequently, issues that are heavily emphasized are also heavily emphasized in the public’s conscience. People not only acquire factual information about public affairs from the news media, but they also learn to attach importance to a topic based on the emphasis placed in the news (McCombs, 2010).
In essence, the news media has what is called agenda setting powers. This can be explained by a principal psychological trait of orientation. Within every human is the need to understand the environment surrounding them.
Until orientation is completed, anxiety is the result of the absence of understanding. To reach orientation, people will use the available resources to further their understanding of said situation. “Attitudes and behaviors are usually governed by cognitions- what a person knows, thinks, believes” (Agenda Setting and the Mass Media, 2010).
With such little research into the agenda-setting purpose of news organizations, the resulting consequences have yet to be realized.
Mass media is a crucial cog in the wheel of policy creation. Without the mass media, government could not obtain the necessary public support to further whatever cause it wants to put forth.
Early studies concluded that the media did little to sway public opinion, but because the agenda setting capacity of mass media has become evident, it does indeed play a vital role in mass political decision making (Agenda Setting and the Mass Media, 2010). Two influential scholars in agenda setting research, McCombs and Shaw hypothesized that the mass media may have little influence on the intensity or direction of attitudes, it does indeed had an effect on the salience , or the importance of an item that makes it stand out against other similar attitudes. This holds especially true when it comes to political issues.
In a 1986 Japanese mayoral election, in Machida City, agenda setting was apparent even at the local level. Machida City was then a city of 320,000 residents in the Tokyo business district. The three most prominent political issues were welfare policies, city building, and local taxes. A comparison of the four major newspapers in the area resulted in a positive correlation between the emphasis in the newspapers and the prominence in the top seven political issues in the public mind (McCombs, 2010).
Another example of the government using the mass media to promote a particular view was the Bush Administration. Then President Bush felt that mass media was an essential element for gaining support for American involvement in Iraq. In doing so, his administration chose images that transmitted a positive message and censored the negative ones (Simons, 2008). Not only did the Bush administration use mass media to influence Americans, they also paid journalists in Cuba to provide anti-government messages to the people of Cuba. The United States also has a history of paying off Iraqi journalists to include preferred news items in their publications that stand with the Bush administration’s views on Iraq.
Priming, as defined in the book Fundamentals of Human Neuropsychology, is “the implicit memory effect in which exposure to a stimulus influences response to a subsequent stimulus.” Therefore, priming is an important aspect in agenda setting, but is an even more powerful way the media manipulates elections and the shaping of government. “The media, in the modern era, are indisputably an instrument of war” (Simons, 2008).
Research over the years has revealed that the media has a significant direct influence on public opinion that strengthens and activates existing opinion, as well as creating new opinion (Morgan, 2010). The principal reason that the media has such an effect on opinion is because the news organizations cover stories at home and abroad, where “problems that are out of reach and out of sight- the aspects of the world with which mass public does not have regular direct or meaningful contact” (Yin, 1999). The key idea is that the media doesn’t tell the public what to think, but what to think about. Using agenda setting, news organizations choose what issues political figures are judged on, calling attention to some while ignoring others completely (Agenda Setting and the Mass Media, 2010). The appearance of truth and reality exist in the media’s concept of unassailable evidence (Simons, 2008).
To sum it all, “news outlets often misrepresent information in ways that misrepresent the facts” (Law, 2005).
Mass media affects all individuals who use it as well as the bystanders, children. Children, especially, cannot differentiate between what is persuasion and reality. To them, it is all the same. Not only are children affected by mass media and advertisements, but the public at large is also affected. The mass media play an influential part in the creation of public policy and can make or break whatever agenda the government desires to set forth. Elaborating further, mass media has the power to shape opinions and attitudes, for “he who controls the media, controls the message.”
Since the invention of the radio, mass media has ingrained itself into not only American culture, but also world culture. Americans rely on mass media to get the latest news, check the weather, research, and for social networking. Obviously, it has played an influential role in shaping opinions and changing attitudes. Not only does mass media affect culture, but it travels through the social hierarchy all the way down to the individual level. This has dire implications for social interaction. Not only does it affect individuals, but mass media also influences what happens in government. It not only aids in policy creation, but in turn can influence attitudes to reflect the agenda being set.
“He who controls the media controls the message” (Simons, 2008). Today there are several different forms of mass media. It includes: radio, television, newspapers, magazines, and the Internet. It is a very valuable source for marketers because people rely on the mass media for several different facets of their life. In an average day, Americans are bombarded with over six hundred advertising messages a day.
Because of this marketers have turned to psychology to capture the minds of the individuals around the world. Advertising isn’t just for the adults; there has been a huge surge of growth in marketing to children, mostly because they are easily swayed to hold a certain attitude with a little persuasion.
“The growth in marketing efforts targeting children has seemingly fueled an increase in the industry’s use of applied psychologists working as marketing researchers or consultants to enhance the persuasive effect of children-oriented advertising campaigns” (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004). Since this is a relatively new development, there is little research on the long-term effects of this new advertiser, psychologist partnership. Marketers aren’t just targeting the older population of children, but also the very young children.
Children who are very young are still in the developmental stage and their brains are not hard-wired to understand the difference between reality and the reality an advertisement presents to the child.
“All advertising to children too young to recognize the persuasive intent of such messages is by its very nature exploitative” (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004).
It’s not just children who are affected by the mass media. The advertising industry is not the only institution using the mass media to gain the people’s attention. “The pictures in people’s minds about the outside world are significantly influenced by the mass media, both what those pictures are about and what those pictures are” (McCombs, 2010).
In today’s world, there are twenty-four hour news organizations that relay the news all day and night, three-hundred sixty-five days a year. Some of these programs garner audiences of over five million viewers and that’s only one form of mass media.
Americans spend about eighty percent of their time using mass media and it is only increasing. Any person who uses mass media in any of its forms is going to be subject to influence by it.
In order for a mature understanding of advertising messages, two information processing assignments must take place.
First, the individual must be able to understand the difference between commercial content and noncommercial content. Then differentiate the difference between reality and non-reality (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004). Children cannot differentiate between the two and are vulnerable to advertisements that persuade them to change their behaviors.
There have been studies that show a positive correlation between advertisements targeting children that feature candy, fast food, and snacks and that the advertising increases the consumption of those products (Wilcox, Kunkel, Cantor, Dowrick, Linn, & Palmer, 2004).
Americans collective knowledge is largely based on what is told through mass media. Whatever holds priority in the media organizations strongly influence the priorities of the public at large. Consequently, issues that are heavily emphasized are also heavily emphasized in the public’s conscience. People not only acquire factual information about public affairs from the news media, but they also learn to attach importance to a topic based on the emphasis placed in the news (McCombs, 2010).
In essence, the news media has what is called agenda setting powers. This can be explained by a principal psychological trait of orientation. Within every human is the need to understand the environment surrounding them.
Until orientation is completed, anxiety is the result of the absence of understanding. To reach orientation, people will use the available resources to further their understanding of said situation. “Attitudes and behaviors are usually governed by cognitions- what a person knows, thinks, believes” (Agenda Setting and the Mass Media, 2010).
With such little research into the agenda-setting purpose of news organizations, the resulting consequences have yet to be realized.
Mass media is a crucial cog in the wheel of policy creation. Without the mass media, government could not obtain the necessary public support to further whatever cause it wants to put forth.
Early studies concluded that the media did little to sway public opinion, but because the agenda setting capacity of mass media has become evident, it does indeed play a vital role in mass political decision making (Agenda Setting and the Mass Media, 2010). Two influential scholars in agenda setting research, McCombs and Shaw hypothesized that the mass media may have little influence on the intensity or direction of attitudes, it does indeed had an effect on the salience , or the importance of an item that makes it stand out against other similar attitudes. This holds especially true when it comes to political issues.
In a 1986 Japanese mayoral election, in Machida City, agenda setting was apparent even at the local level. Machida City was then a city of 320,000 residents in the Tokyo business district. The three most prominent political issues were welfare policies, city building, and local taxes. A comparison of the four major newspapers in the area resulted in a positive correlation between the emphasis in the newspapers and the prominence in the top seven political issues in the public mind (McCombs, 2010).
Another example of the government using the mass media to promote a particular view was the Bush Administration. Then President Bush felt that mass media was an essential element for gaining support for American involvement in Iraq. In doing so, his administration chose images that transmitted a positive message and censored the negative ones (Simons, 2008). Not only did the Bush administration use mass media to influence Americans, they also paid journalists in Cuba to provide anti-government messages to the people of Cuba. The United States also has a history of paying off Iraqi journalists to include preferred news items in their publications that stand with the Bush administration’s views on Iraq.
Priming, as defined in the book Fundamentals of Human Neuropsychology, is “the implicit memory effect in which exposure to a stimulus influences response to a subsequent stimulus.” Therefore, priming is an important aspect in agenda setting, but is an even more powerful way the media manipulates elections and the shaping of government. “The media, in the modern era, are indisputably an instrument of war” (Simons, 2008).
Research over the years has revealed that the media has a significant direct influence on public opinion that strengthens and activates existing opinion, as well as creating new opinion (Morgan, 2010). The principal reason that the media has such an effect on opinion is because the news organizations cover stories at home and abroad, where “problems that are out of reach and out of sight- the aspects of the world with which mass public does not have regular direct or meaningful contact” (Yin, 1999). The key idea is that the media doesn’t tell the public what to think, but what to think about. Using agenda setting, news organizations choose what issues political figures are judged on, calling attention to some while ignoring others completely (Agenda Setting and the Mass Media, 2010). The appearance of truth and reality exist in the media’s concept of unassailable evidence (Simons, 2008).
To sum it all, “news outlets often misrepresent information in ways that misrepresent the facts” (Law, 2005).
Mass media affects all individuals who use it as well as the bystanders, children. Children, especially, cannot differentiate between what is persuasion and reality. To them, it is all the same. Not only are children affected by mass media and advertisements, but the public at large is also affected. The mass media play an influential part in the creation of public policy and can make or break whatever agenda the government desires to set forth. Elaborating further, mass media has the power to shape opinions and attitudes, for “he who controls the media, controls the message.”
Thursday, June 3, 2010
New song, New Attitude
What is up people of Internet-land? I was going through Facebook looking at people's profiles I haven't seen or really talked to in a while. It was kinda of an awakening. Pretty much everyone is either engaged or happily in a relationship. I've been single for like...almost two years now. I guess the last few relationships have severely scarred me.
I'm working on that part though. I just bought a new mic for my computer so I can record and edit stuff. I've also bought an acoustic guitar, in hopes of making something of them both. I figure I need a creative outlet for my emotions, so might as well do it through music like I always do. I'm pretty serious about it too. I mean, I made my own band and all. I figure I have to start somewhere, get feedback and improve myself always.
I have to get over my fear of singing in front of people too. I know I'm not a great singer, but I think I can add my own flair. Plus I don't care if people like my music or not, although I'm not saying I wouldn't mind if they did! I've added a super rough demo cover, yeah that was a mouthful. It's a cover of an Adema song. I didn't edit it super heavy and the vocals were on one take, so take it with a grain of salt, it's just a demo anyway, trying to get ideas. Basically trying to hear myself sing from an outside perspective. Now I just need to work on some intonation, cough cough band geek, cough cough. If you are a musician, you'd know what that means for sure. ESPECIALLY if you had Mr. Foster as an instructor.
So other than that, I've watched a series of videos that have really opened my eyes to the world around me. It kind of confirmed what I have always believed and made me feel that I'm not paranoid, there are forces in this world that work for evil. SO I'm dedicating my life to making myself better, because I have to do that first before I can heal the world. I'm hoping that maybe my music sparks inspiration in people to better themselves and their relationships with people. Jimi Hendrix once said if there is something to be healed in this world, it can only be done through music. So here goes Jimi.
In case you are wondering, the series is called The Arrivals. It's a take on the world through the eyes of a Muslim, but don't let that discourage you. It is very well researched and super enlightening. It is well worth the watch, but know that going into it blind if you keep an open mind and watch it all, it will not only blow your mind, but it might even change your life. It has mine, at least in the way I perceive the world around me. I highly recommend it. You can get to the site where it is hosted here.
I'll be updating this more frequently, so if you like to hear how I feel and think, stay tuned.
I'm working on that part though. I just bought a new mic for my computer so I can record and edit stuff. I've also bought an acoustic guitar, in hopes of making something of them both. I figure I need a creative outlet for my emotions, so might as well do it through music like I always do. I'm pretty serious about it too. I mean, I made my own band and all. I figure I have to start somewhere, get feedback and improve myself always.
I have to get over my fear of singing in front of people too. I know I'm not a great singer, but I think I can add my own flair. Plus I don't care if people like my music or not, although I'm not saying I wouldn't mind if they did! I've added a super rough demo cover, yeah that was a mouthful. It's a cover of an Adema song. I didn't edit it super heavy and the vocals were on one take, so take it with a grain of salt, it's just a demo anyway, trying to get ideas. Basically trying to hear myself sing from an outside perspective. Now I just need to work on some intonation, cough cough band geek, cough cough. If you are a musician, you'd know what that means for sure. ESPECIALLY if you had Mr. Foster as an instructor.
So other than that, I've watched a series of videos that have really opened my eyes to the world around me. It kind of confirmed what I have always believed and made me feel that I'm not paranoid, there are forces in this world that work for evil. SO I'm dedicating my life to making myself better, because I have to do that first before I can heal the world. I'm hoping that maybe my music sparks inspiration in people to better themselves and their relationships with people. Jimi Hendrix once said if there is something to be healed in this world, it can only be done through music. So here goes Jimi.
In case you are wondering, the series is called The Arrivals. It's a take on the world through the eyes of a Muslim, but don't let that discourage you. It is very well researched and super enlightening. It is well worth the watch, but know that going into it blind if you keep an open mind and watch it all, it will not only blow your mind, but it might even change your life. It has mine, at least in the way I perceive the world around me. I highly recommend it. You can get to the site where it is hosted here.
I'll be updating this more frequently, so if you like to hear how I feel and think, stay tuned.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Finally...an Update!
Hello for those out in the Internet world. I'm not quite sure who reads this if anyone reads this, but that's ok, that doesn't bother me one bit.
So if you have noticed I have made a few changes to the site, I know I do this a lot in fact, not only to the layout but also I have a widget displaying songs from a band called "Through My Eyes". That band is actually me and my music. I plan to start writing more music, so that's the old music I have written over the years in Finale. I plan on writing different stuff and recording live stuff once I acquire the proper tools. Maybe even make some interesting remixes, we shall see how it all pans out.
I just recently returned from vacation in Ohio. I had a wonderful time and saw many people who I haven't seen in forever. It was needed badly, I was losing inspiration, hope and I was getting pretty depressed. It's not easy here in North Carolina. I don't have any friends and I don't really know how to make them down here since it is so much different than up north. What I mean by that is if you want to do anything with anyone you almost have to invite yourself, which is taboo up north and rude. So what to do?
I'm thinking about that fact exactly. I'm in summer school right now, no hopefuls in there. There are two super annoying guys in my class though, they are loud and mouthy. I'm hoping they either drop the class or fail because I know I can't go all summer listening to those two.
Speaking of Ohio, I've come back ready to finally make something of myself. I miss everyone there, but I don't miss how that place seems to eat people alive. It was a point in my life where I just felt like living in the moment. There's nothing wrong with that, but when that's all you do and you don't plan at all for your future it doesn't forebode well.
There was this one girl up there too... not exactly sure what all was going on or what kind of chemicals there was, but something was up for sure and it aroused my curiosity. There is something special about her and I can't quite put my finger on it. Too bad I'm back in NC now huh? If what I feel was correct, then it wouldn't matter.
Either way I had a great time and I'm ready to make everyone proud. I'm gonna work hard on myself and my life. I'm ready to grow up, I really am. I sold my 360 to prove that even more. I love you all, tune in for more later.
So if you have noticed I have made a few changes to the site, I know I do this a lot in fact, not only to the layout but also I have a widget displaying songs from a band called "Through My Eyes". That band is actually me and my music. I plan to start writing more music, so that's the old music I have written over the years in Finale. I plan on writing different stuff and recording live stuff once I acquire the proper tools. Maybe even make some interesting remixes, we shall see how it all pans out.
I just recently returned from vacation in Ohio. I had a wonderful time and saw many people who I haven't seen in forever. It was needed badly, I was losing inspiration, hope and I was getting pretty depressed. It's not easy here in North Carolina. I don't have any friends and I don't really know how to make them down here since it is so much different than up north. What I mean by that is if you want to do anything with anyone you almost have to invite yourself, which is taboo up north and rude. So what to do?
I'm thinking about that fact exactly. I'm in summer school right now, no hopefuls in there. There are two super annoying guys in my class though, they are loud and mouthy. I'm hoping they either drop the class or fail because I know I can't go all summer listening to those two.
Speaking of Ohio, I've come back ready to finally make something of myself. I miss everyone there, but I don't miss how that place seems to eat people alive. It was a point in my life where I just felt like living in the moment. There's nothing wrong with that, but when that's all you do and you don't plan at all for your future it doesn't forebode well.
There was this one girl up there too... not exactly sure what all was going on or what kind of chemicals there was, but something was up for sure and it aroused my curiosity. There is something special about her and I can't quite put my finger on it. Too bad I'm back in NC now huh? If what I feel was correct, then it wouldn't matter.
Either way I had a great time and I'm ready to make everyone proud. I'm gonna work hard on myself and my life. I'm ready to grow up, I really am. I sold my 360 to prove that even more. I love you all, tune in for more later.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Have You Ever Felt this Way?
This makes me think of you and all the shit you put me through. All I ever tried to do was to love you with all my heart. I even moved back just to be with you. I did everything I could to prove to you how much I cared. Over the years you drifted in and out when it was convenient. Why couldn't you be true to yourself and show everyone who you truly are. You are a great person, other than the fact you played me like a fiddle. I ate it all up too because in my heart I had always hoped there might be some glimmer of hope, just some notion that you still loved me. You put the distance between us first, so I packed my bags and left to another state.
Even after you distanced yourself from me, I keep dreaming. That's what gets me. I don't see you anymore, but you still appear in my dreams. EVEN when I didn't even think about you. You broke my heart over and over, for what revenge? Spite? What? Why did you tell me you love me and then leave, then over and over again? Was I too strong in my love? I'm not sorry for loving you with everything I had in me. I wouldn't change that because even though I put up with so much shit and heartache, when I was with you, I felt the happiest I had been in years.
I never opened up to anyone like I did. I let down my guard and I got slapped in the face. When you left for the last time, our friends asked me, "You really loved her didn't you." Of course I did, I loved you more than life itself, you know what I mean by that, or at least you should. You used to care about me, at least I thought you did but maybe you just liked the thrill of the chase and how I was always waiting around.
I can't wait anymore, I've waited for four years hoping we'd come around. I thought maybe that one day this pain would go away, but even when I try and block it out, you still appear. It's as if life wants me to remain in pain. I had to leave our home because I was wasting my time and my life praying that we would be. I guess you call it dedication, or commitment to love, something I guess you aren't sure about. A word of advice, don't make promises you can't keep, you'll just end up hurting.
Now I know I chose this path, and the consequences are mine and mine alone. BUT you have never seen all the times I've cried thinking about you. I know it has to be in the hundreds or more. I'm not guilt tripping you and I could never tell you this to your face because I have never wanted to hurt you. I always said as long as you are happy, that's what I want. It's what I've always done, I have always put you first. I never think about myself, I believe in altruism, but karma is such a bitch I suppose. I hope you find everything you want in life and succeed beyond all your dreams, because even though you've put me through so much pain, you also were there during crucial moments of my life.
I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, I'm different from all the rest, but you knew that from the start. You tested me at every turn, why? Why? WHY would I lie? Couldn't you see it in my eyes? You know when our eyes met and YOU LOOKED away. Is it shame? What is it, was it just too hard to see the hurt in my eyes? You don't know my pain, because pain shouldn't last this long.
I guess I was not enough, you had to get a taste for my friends too. No one person cal please you I suppose, you need someone always even though you always had someone from the start and didn't recognize that. Through everything I told you I was there and you didn't care.
Now I'm just writing what I feel, I don't hate you, I never have and I never will. But you must realize the pain you've caused me. I can no longer keep it inside because it is ruining my life. I have no one to talk deeply to, everyone in my life fades away. It's always been that way. You are no different.
Just know the reason for my pain...
I still fucking love you and it hurts.
Even after you distanced yourself from me, I keep dreaming. That's what gets me. I don't see you anymore, but you still appear in my dreams. EVEN when I didn't even think about you. You broke my heart over and over, for what revenge? Spite? What? Why did you tell me you love me and then leave, then over and over again? Was I too strong in my love? I'm not sorry for loving you with everything I had in me. I wouldn't change that because even though I put up with so much shit and heartache, when I was with you, I felt the happiest I had been in years.
I never opened up to anyone like I did. I let down my guard and I got slapped in the face. When you left for the last time, our friends asked me, "You really loved her didn't you." Of course I did, I loved you more than life itself, you know what I mean by that, or at least you should. You used to care about me, at least I thought you did but maybe you just liked the thrill of the chase and how I was always waiting around.
I can't wait anymore, I've waited for four years hoping we'd come around. I thought maybe that one day this pain would go away, but even when I try and block it out, you still appear. It's as if life wants me to remain in pain. I had to leave our home because I was wasting my time and my life praying that we would be. I guess you call it dedication, or commitment to love, something I guess you aren't sure about. A word of advice, don't make promises you can't keep, you'll just end up hurting.
Now I know I chose this path, and the consequences are mine and mine alone. BUT you have never seen all the times I've cried thinking about you. I know it has to be in the hundreds or more. I'm not guilt tripping you and I could never tell you this to your face because I have never wanted to hurt you. I always said as long as you are happy, that's what I want. It's what I've always done, I have always put you first. I never think about myself, I believe in altruism, but karma is such a bitch I suppose. I hope you find everything you want in life and succeed beyond all your dreams, because even though you've put me through so much pain, you also were there during crucial moments of my life.
I've always worn my heart on my sleeve, I'm different from all the rest, but you knew that from the start. You tested me at every turn, why? Why? WHY would I lie? Couldn't you see it in my eyes? You know when our eyes met and YOU LOOKED away. Is it shame? What is it, was it just too hard to see the hurt in my eyes? You don't know my pain, because pain shouldn't last this long.
I guess I was not enough, you had to get a taste for my friends too. No one person cal please you I suppose, you need someone always even though you always had someone from the start and didn't recognize that. Through everything I told you I was there and you didn't care.
Now I'm just writing what I feel, I don't hate you, I never have and I never will. But you must realize the pain you've caused me. I can no longer keep it inside because it is ruining my life. I have no one to talk deeply to, everyone in my life fades away. It's always been that way. You are no different.
Just know the reason for my pain...
I still fucking love you and it hurts.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Dear You...
I was going to send you a letter in the mail, but I see just how much I mean to you. So instead I'm going to post what I wrote to you for the world to see. I'm tired of hiding my feelings inside just so I don't hurt anyone's feelings. Fuck that noise, I'm not hiding what I feel any longer. Here is what I meant for you to see.
February 27, 2010
What's up? It's been a long, long time. I felt the need to write you a letter considering I never did write you back. Sorry it took me five years to respond, I'm kinda slow lol. How's life treating you? School, boys, etc.?
I'm getting by I suppose. I don't do much of anything, work, school, chill at home. It gets pretty old after a while, gets annoying sometimes too (you know how my parents can be). It really sucks because I don't have any friends here, so I pretty much live in isolation. I don't talk to anyone from home really either, no one seems to want to talk to me from there anyway, aside from Libby who usually calls me fucked up and sometimes Jamie. Other than that I don't talk to anyone.
I do play my 360 a lot though because I have a few friends from home who still play it. We play almost everyday on Modern Warfare 2 and we're pretty good lol. So yeah, I'm being a loser here in North Carolina. I've been gone for like seven months and it feels like everything has changed. I miss Ohio a lot and all of our friends. I talked to Mikey on his birthday-ish and he was telling me about his stripper girl haha. You'll probably get to see him before I do, since I won't be able to come visit home during the summer.
I miss you like crazy, I know I don't talk to you at all really anymore. I just feel like you don't want to talk to me at times since you never call and when I text you, you always seem distracted. I really miss talking to you though, I have no one here so it gets pretty lonely, lol. I guess that's one reason why I decided to write you, Facebook is impersonal and I didn't think you'd respond to an e-mail. Though I'm not sure you'll respond to this!
I know you have your own things you have to do and are probably a pretty busy lady. I just have to talk to someone and I can always talk to you. I'm such a horrible friend, don't even keep in contact. I've just had it pretty tough emotionally here for a while, but I'm starting to come back to my senses again.
It's really hard adjusting because everything here is so different. They make fun of me for saying I want "pop" lol. This town is pretty shitty! There is nothing to do here! Might be better when I get my car! I've been saving up, so next weekend I'm going car shopping. I'm pretty excited about that. PLUS it's getting warmer so soon I can take an hour and a half drive and be at the beach.
So anyway, that's pretty much what I've been into, which equates to not a whole lot, lol. I'm making it by, getting my life together so I can hopefully do something worthwhile with it. I've been working hard in school, kinda have to or else I'll have very few options left. I'm not sure where I'll end up school-wise but I'm doing the best I can now so that I'll end up with that which I sought in the beginning.
I'm so ready for summer. The cold here sucks because it gets close to freezing but doesn't snow, just rains! I'm watching Sherlock Holmes the movie, you should totally watch it, it is pretty funny.
Well, I won't bore you any longer with my drivel. I just want you to know that no matter what you are never alone and I'm always here for you. Always, take care and I hope to hear back from ya.
I'm getting by I suppose. I don't do much of anything, work, school, chill at home. It gets pretty old after a while, gets annoying sometimes too (you know how my parents can be). It really sucks because I don't have any friends here, so I pretty much live in isolation. I don't talk to anyone from home really either, no one seems to want to talk to me from there anyway, aside from Libby who usually calls me fucked up and sometimes Jamie. Other than that I don't talk to anyone.
I do play my 360 a lot though because I have a few friends from home who still play it. We play almost everyday on Modern Warfare 2 and we're pretty good lol. So yeah, I'm being a loser here in North Carolina. I've been gone for like seven months and it feels like everything has changed. I miss Ohio a lot and all of our friends. I talked to Mikey on his birthday-ish and he was telling me about his stripper girl haha. You'll probably get to see him before I do, since I won't be able to come visit home during the summer.
I miss you like crazy, I know I don't talk to you at all really anymore. I just feel like you don't want to talk to me at times since you never call and when I text you, you always seem distracted. I really miss talking to you though, I have no one here so it gets pretty lonely, lol. I guess that's one reason why I decided to write you, Facebook is impersonal and I didn't think you'd respond to an e-mail. Though I'm not sure you'll respond to this!
I know you have your own things you have to do and are probably a pretty busy lady. I just have to talk to someone and I can always talk to you. I'm such a horrible friend, don't even keep in contact. I've just had it pretty tough emotionally here for a while, but I'm starting to come back to my senses again.
It's really hard adjusting because everything here is so different. They make fun of me for saying I want "pop" lol. This town is pretty shitty! There is nothing to do here! Might be better when I get my car! I've been saving up, so next weekend I'm going car shopping. I'm pretty excited about that. PLUS it's getting warmer so soon I can take an hour and a half drive and be at the beach.
So anyway, that's pretty much what I've been into, which equates to not a whole lot, lol. I'm making it by, getting my life together so I can hopefully do something worthwhile with it. I've been working hard in school, kinda have to or else I'll have very few options left. I'm not sure where I'll end up school-wise but I'm doing the best I can now so that I'll end up with that which I sought in the beginning.
I'm so ready for summer. The cold here sucks because it gets close to freezing but doesn't snow, just rains! I'm watching Sherlock Holmes the movie, you should totally watch it, it is pretty funny.
Well, I won't bore you any longer with my drivel. I just want you to know that no matter what you are never alone and I'm always here for you. Always, take care and I hope to hear back from ya.
Love,
Jeff
Jeff
P.S.- I know you'll never read this...
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
What's Behind the Curtain?
Sympathy has long been dead,
Hung up on every word she said,
Every single promise broken,
The bed we fucked in just a token,
Of a heart that continues to bleed,
This love forgotten it seemed,
Streams of tears fall from her cheek,
Knees buckling,
She's feeling weak,
She's running out of time,
He stepped out of line,
Straight up manipulation of the mind
She's angry with the world,
He's feeling bold,
Trying to break through her barriers,
Only wanting to carry her,
Senses all mixed up,
The drugs displace the cuts,
A hidden agenda from within,
This sadness entwined with sin,
She only wanted to win
Now her anger has turned to pain,
Dark clouds follow her and down comes the rain,
She wonders if she's gone insane,
Sometimes telling the truth is hard to do,
When lies were all she ever knew,
She's too far inside the veil,
Now she must live the life this entails,
Do you think you can be forgiven now?
Hung up on every word she said,
Every single promise broken,
The bed we fucked in just a token,
Of a heart that continues to bleed,
This love forgotten it seemed,
Streams of tears fall from her cheek,
Knees buckling,
She's feeling weak,
She's running out of time,
He stepped out of line,
Straight up manipulation of the mind
She's angry with the world,
He's feeling bold,
Trying to break through her barriers,
Only wanting to carry her,
Senses all mixed up,
The drugs displace the cuts,
A hidden agenda from within,
This sadness entwined with sin,
She only wanted to win
Now her anger has turned to pain,
Dark clouds follow her and down comes the rain,
She wonders if she's gone insane,
Sometimes telling the truth is hard to do,
When lies were all she ever knew,
She's too far inside the veil,
Now she must live the life this entails,
Do you think you can be forgiven now?
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Casualty of Society
Was it wrong of me,
To endure this for so long?
I'm attempting to pick up the pieces,
Only to watch them fall apart again,
I've worked so hard,
Just to see my efforts become meaningless,
It seems that since I've left,
Everything has changed so dramatically,
And now I'm all alone,
That line grows so old,
I'm almost twenty-three,
And at this point in life,
I had hoped I'd find my one true love,
So that I could live happily,
To share my world so that I'm not so alone,
So that I'd have true support,
But deception is the name of the game,
I don't know what's real and what's not,
And I fear anything that means everything is a lie,
I try to always speak my mind,
But I'm judged before I'm even done,
This same old routine is slowly killing me,
I survive just for a break away from this tyranny,
I'm surrounded by so many people,
But I'm isolated at the same time,
Where I am,
People don't give you the time of day,
I'm just another stupid Yankee,
Not from this military town,
My ideas seem obscene,
My thoughts buried deep within the ground,
Say what you mean and mean what you say,
What am I working towards?
Do I always have to start over,
I've been at this too long to fail,
Giving up is all I want to do,
Because I'm tired of wasted efforts,
What's the point anyway?
There is no future for me in this country,
I'll just be another casualty of society.
To endure this for so long?
I'm attempting to pick up the pieces,
Only to watch them fall apart again,
I've worked so hard,
Just to see my efforts become meaningless,
It seems that since I've left,
Everything has changed so dramatically,
And now I'm all alone,
That line grows so old,
I'm almost twenty-three,
And at this point in life,
I had hoped I'd find my one true love,
So that I could live happily,
To share my world so that I'm not so alone,
So that I'd have true support,
But deception is the name of the game,
I don't know what's real and what's not,
And I fear anything that means everything is a lie,
I try to always speak my mind,
But I'm judged before I'm even done,
This same old routine is slowly killing me,
I survive just for a break away from this tyranny,
I'm surrounded by so many people,
But I'm isolated at the same time,
Where I am,
People don't give you the time of day,
I'm just another stupid Yankee,
Not from this military town,
My ideas seem obscene,
My thoughts buried deep within the ground,
Say what you mean and mean what you say,
What am I working towards?
Do I always have to start over,
I've been at this too long to fail,
Giving up is all I want to do,
Because I'm tired of wasted efforts,
What's the point anyway?
There is no future for me in this country,
I'll just be another casualty of society.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Machine Talks to Me
Stranger, who are you?
I've known you for so long,
I know how you think,
But I'm not sure you are who you pretend to be,
Everlasting thoughts of this,
Invoking my insanity,
Who am I?
What is this?
You hide behind a curtain,
Where words are never spoken,
I read between the lines,
To try and find an ounce of truth to this,
Whenever I call your identity into doubt,
You turn inside out,
And unleash a fury from within,
It was just a simple question,
I need to know who you really are.
I can only be so patient,
All the evidence points to the contrary,
Either I'm just paranoid,
Or baby you're just a liar,
No matter what the cause,
Our relationship can't be built upon lies,
I know you hide a secret so huge,
One that no one can know,
Does it eat you alive?
It does me baby,
So please,
Just be honest with me.
I've known you for so long,
I know how you think,
But I'm not sure you are who you pretend to be,
Everlasting thoughts of this,
Invoking my insanity,
Who am I?
What is this?
You hide behind a curtain,
Where words are never spoken,
I read between the lines,
To try and find an ounce of truth to this,
Whenever I call your identity into doubt,
You turn inside out,
And unleash a fury from within,
It was just a simple question,
I need to know who you really are.
I can only be so patient,
All the evidence points to the contrary,
Either I'm just paranoid,
Or baby you're just a liar,
No matter what the cause,
Our relationship can't be built upon lies,
I know you hide a secret so huge,
One that no one can know,
Does it eat you alive?
It does me baby,
So please,
Just be honest with me.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Generation Y (The Millennials)
Depression setting in,
Anxiety hanging from each and every limb,
With every action comes a consequence,
Five years ago leaving dreams behind,
Was it the right time?
Did everything in sight align?
All the repercussions fading in,
Sometimes in life we find plans don't fit,
Everything happens for a reason they say,
So what's the reason for this unsettling feeling?
I've tried the best I can,
To not live my life in sin,
I've always tried to do what's right,
Ever since I tried to end my life,
Yeah that's right,
I attempted suicide,
But then I found how selfish it is,
To leave behind everyone who cares about me,
Just to transfer my pain to them.
Forgive my disdain for politics,
I've seen suffering and fallen from grace,
Don't be surprised if I incite a revolution,
Dissent is a mark of freedom,
Maybe it's destiny for me to remove this tyranny,
I've seen walls crumble and empires fall,
And I'm tired of living in despair,
it's time to repair this country,
But first we must fix ourselves within,
Apathy changes nothing,
Action changes everything.
Anxiety hanging from each and every limb,
With every action comes a consequence,
Five years ago leaving dreams behind,
Was it the right time?
Did everything in sight align?
All the repercussions fading in,
Sometimes in life we find plans don't fit,
Everything happens for a reason they say,
So what's the reason for this unsettling feeling?
I've tried the best I can,
To not live my life in sin,
I've always tried to do what's right,
Ever since I tried to end my life,
Yeah that's right,
I attempted suicide,
But then I found how selfish it is,
To leave behind everyone who cares about me,
Just to transfer my pain to them.
Forgive my disdain for politics,
I've seen suffering and fallen from grace,
Don't be surprised if I incite a revolution,
Dissent is a mark of freedom,
Maybe it's destiny for me to remove this tyranny,
I've seen walls crumble and empires fall,
And I'm tired of living in despair,
it's time to repair this country,
But first we must fix ourselves within,
Apathy changes nothing,
Action changes everything.
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