The Deciever

I return to all i have ever known,
it might have been easier if i'd flown,
i left to say goodbye,
because it seems time was lost,
and i'd became a distant memory,
i always do this to me,
I can't fight this mentality,

Your name resounds within my head,
and sometimes i feel brain dead,
because i never think of me,
I've always lived for you,
and then i fled from this place,
I'm sorry everyone,
There was too much tryanny to take,
I needed an escape,
I love you all,
But I gotta make something of myself,
Life's taught me that love,
is impossible to achieve,

Now in a stupor,
out of options,
i turn to my writing,
it seems like im always manipulated,
it's easy to play tricks on the insolent,
this is the darkness i bare,
the darkness i'd rather not share,

what's wrong with me?
why does everything i see,
have to remind me of you?
There's this emptiness within my heart,
Because i can't tell you apart,
You know who you are,
even though you've deceived me,
I for once saw through your wall,

why does this feeling remain?
Why must it still linger,
I've given everything,
so guess what I left with nothing,
So from nothing I must make something,
even if i force myself to be alone,
for this life i must atone,
i'm writing to free my mind,
this song lost in time,
a peak into my soul,
the only thing i've ever known,

i keep fighting,
i can't stop writing,
it's like these thoughts,
fuel an addiction,
of a dream that will never be,
it's a hell i must live each day,
but it's of my choosing,

for God so loved the world,
he gave his only son,
as a sacrifice for all mankind,
i feel his pain,
i feel the world on my shoulders,
sometimes i'm not sure which way to go,
i'm trying to find my light,
outta sight,
outta mind,
baby you just don't understand,
i feel what you feel,
or maybe i'm just plain crazy,

something resides inside,
that won't let this go,
because things don't make sense,
hunni i just want the truth,
i know your secret,
i fell in love with you undercover,
with absolutely no rhyme or reason,
so you have to be one and the same,
or maybe hunni i'm just clinically insane,

i've never forgotten what you said,
it's just hard to keep these promises,
because i can't grin and stare,

What is my purpose?
where is my direction,
this is just a self reflection,
because i never stood so low,

Don't judge me,
i don't want the pitty,
this is what i chose,
and i'm going to live with it,
maybe i'm lacking some sanity,
but live in my shoes,
I grin and bare more than I care to share,
Things have gotten better,
but i'm getting too old,
to be relying on this,
have i ruined everything,
hunni why can't you just come out,

it's so early but i can't sleep it's almost morning,
i guess the world is really coming to an end,
because we're just friends,
that's all we'll ever be,
why can't i accept that hinders me,
but something seems familiar,
almost as if everything is a simile,

this thought is a string of events the names i dare not say,
no one reads these anyway,
maybe i shouldn't care,
but when collusion is rare,
i have to make the best,
not just sit and stare,
today was a blast from the past,

in the short time i've been gone,
so much has changed,
lives just are not the same.